Augusto 2025 vol. 2
RFK Jr working on “figuring out” difference between Bupropion and Bupivicaine.
WELCOME
"PC" Now Widely Considered a
Non-Politically Correct Acronym
“Don’t tell me now! It will come to me!”
Sioux Falls man reports losing 8 teeth after battle with bowl of Grape Nuts served with meager portion of milk
"Words...have feelings, too." -Shelly Rafferty, CAAL
According to recent statements made by the linguistic think tank CAAL (Center for Already Applied Linguistics), the acronym "PC" when used to abbreviate the term "Politically Correct" is in itself now considered politically incorrect.
"This is a diversity issue, not just a linguistic one," cited Shelly Rafferty, spokeswoman for CAAL. "We have to consider the feelings of other abbreviations and the things that they stand for., and take into regard who came first in the game In this case, if you were a computer - often labeled as a "PC," would you want to share your "acronymity" (a word currently in the application process for consideration as an entry in Meriam-Webster and Oxford dictionaries, now with almost 20 proponents for its recognition) with another term? Words and the inanimate objects that they stand for have feelings, too."
Though the movement for the abbreviation to be replaced by another one has not gained much momentum or recognition in the press (along with all others that "should not have to compromise their individuality due to our laziness," said Rafferty), CAAL remains positive in their efforts "to give all creatures of language the dignity they deserve,"
"The idea of political correctness is directly rooted in how we use the language we use. Therefore we should be sensitive and respect the language itself. I mean, blowjob shouldn't have to share BJ with all of the Billy Joes and Barbara Jeans out there, for that matter. If the term blowjob could speak, it would be spitting, not swallowing, if you get what I mean!" Rafferty joked towards the end of the painfully stupid interview.
Sioux Falls, SD: Lewis Renald, a retired machine operator, reported that he lost a whopping 8 teeth after finishing a medium sized bowl of grape nuts served to him with a scarce amount of milk by his wife Francine,
"It was grocery day, so we were dangerously low on milk. Personally, I can't believe they're [Grape Nuts] still on the shelf." When asked why he continued to consume the cereal after the first tooth cracked, he replied "Well, initially I didn't notice - I think I just thought that the tooth was just another horrid wheat nut, or whatever they are. By the forth or fifth tooth, I figured the damage had already been done, so I might as well finish my painful breakfast with hopes that it might earn me a spot in that Guiness Records book." Hoping some recognition would offer consolation, Lewis stuck it out and finished the bowl, citing 8 largely chipped teeth, slightly bleeding gums, and two other fractured molars upon completion.
"They didn't even have any fruit on them! Just a bowl of small rocks barely covered with a dribble of one percent milk. Come to think of it, it may have even been that God awful powdered milk Not the best time for my wife to serve me grape nuts of all things. She could have just as easily boiled me an egg."
And while he knows what they are, "the name is still very misleading. Every time I expect them to be better, and every time I'm let down. It's insane, really. There's nothing remotely grape-like about them for thar matter. I read the ingredients on each new box. Even researched the cereal's history. It just don't make no sense"
He is considering legal action against Post cereals, both for dental bills and pain and suffering.
Our interviewer and Lewis spent the rest of the day drinking the whiskey that was intended to be used topically for the tooth pain and coming up with moderately clever mottos for the cereal. "Shatters your teeth but not your gut" was among those that emerged during the conversation that made the disgruntled Renald smile. We considered leaving the photo out to protect his dignity, but since when have we been about protecting anyone's dignity?
Sadly, he is one tooth shy of the record, held by Sheldon Aldwood of Schenectady, NY, who cracked nine of his teeth while consuming a bowl of very stale Kix cereal in 2011.
A photo of Renald about a year before losing most of his teeth to the single bowl of Grape Nuts.
A photo taken on the day mentioned.
All images are AI generated or stock images used under creative commons rights.
Teenager goes fishing with Great Grandfather
Derrick Gardner, 24, of Salem, Missouri, finally went fishing with Great Grandfather Edward Gardner after being pressured for years by his father Edward Gardner III to spend time with the aging 98 year old. When asked about the outing, Derrick responded "It was okay. I just hope he doesn't expect this all the time now."
Notice 8/5/25:
Some visitors to this site may experience seizures. That's because some people have seizures.
80's arena rock lyric finally gets press
White House to release files on Native Americans killed on “vampire democrat” Andrew Jackson’s Oklahoma blood farms
Almost 40 years after being deemed a lewd activity based on the hit song, the health benefits of the "Unskinny Bop" have finally been proven. The benefits of being aware of this data are unfortunately under scrutiny and are entirely dependent on the dwindling population that recognize the increasingly esoteric term; as later generation x'ers increasingly age... and according to statistics they are sadly passing down the less than mediocre Poison song more and more infrequently to their children, nephews, nieces and grandchildren . Health benefits are also entirely relative especially in this context, and the story itself proves that wjrr is in desperate need of more consistently clever writers
The definition of the adjective 'unskinny' has also never been confirmed by an accredited linguist despite wjrr's consistent attempts, which have included shameful begging.
Members of the rock band "Poison" could not be reached. We just assumed they are all dead.
* "get off the cross, we need the wood" also under question as
an outdated quip, having run its course as a cliche often spoken at holiday dinners across America in response to relatives' passive aggressive martyr comments. - wjrr correspondent Mick Ripple
courtesy of staff writer Nathan Casto- Burman
JULY 2025 Vol 1
generated by AI
Even Some Pundit Pedos are Now Regretting Their Votes for Trump, Says Major News Sources
"he's gone back on almost all of his 'other' promises."
APPA, or "The American Pedophilia Protection Alliance" released an official statement on Tuesday to most major news sources, including wjrr, stating "all the nastiness - the corruption - the broken promises - it's not only discouraging but has made us rethink a lot of things; not only our partisanship and feelings about Donald Trump, but our place in the world."
Due to legal responsibilities, the President, VP, nor the head of PR for APPA could be reached for further comment, but the newly appointed assistant PR manager pictured here, Gerald Jeremy Epmasteris (who, according to sex offender databases goes by his actual name), continued by saying, "Particularly during his 2nd presidency he's gone back on almost all of his 'other' promises, and moreover he has done a lot to shake up the groundwork that we as an organization have worked so hard for. - relying on him for support It's very violating. He's not the pariah we looked up to in the 80s - for some of us old timer members, or even the 90s for that matter. We don't want to use the word "sell-out," but I guess I just did.
"homo said what?" officially no longer politically correct (or used)
Along with the late gen x'er phrase "that's gay" for something considered "lame" or uncool, the phrase "homo said what?" quickly stated as a practical joke to hopefully goad the response "what?" is now officially not only considered not PC and offensive, but, according to polls, has not been used by anyone on the planet for approximately 8 years.
"This is a victory for suburbanite mothers everywhere," said local soccer mom (also a term now under scrutiny by local organizations without a clear focus but center on long outdated slang phrases and terms) Karen Riley. WJRR is also under investigation by these unnamed groups for its use of these terms, including "Karen."
relieved out of touch mother
generated with AI
stock photos aren't getting any better despite AI's best efforts
Neither are stock paragraph text or headlines, although some polls show that average graphic designers are at least happier with the "This is a paragraph..." common sense approach for filler text - as opposed to Lorem Ipsum. Some are sad, however, to see it go with the times, as one cryptologist from Grambling State University, Janine Killinger, remarked "We're not going to cease our efforts to crack the code. Nothing is truly random!"
She stated that last sentence while shouting in indignance as security escorted her out
COMING SOON:
more "wanna-be" Onion pieces from wjrr
writers wanted! Please email the editor with the subject line "WJRR satire" WE DO NOT PAY! email: jamiemichaelalbert@yahoo.com
copyright 2025 jamie michael albert, wjrr, proletariat arts, and accredited authors.